Sometimes you win; sometimes you learn.

These will be precious memories if you learn from your mistakes.

Somehow, this semester in school feels so special. It may be because it is my last semester, but I could feel that I have change at least a little. I still do feel bad for throwing temper at my project mates sometimes. But I came to understand the meaning of teamwork, as everyone work together and build on their weaknesses and make use of their strengths. Cooperation and communication would make the team stronger. 

Taking our Marketing Group Project for instance, we discussed, work on each others strengths and finally all the hardwork and teamwork came to fruition. This wasn't easy, but we made it :) Good job guys!

One of the top three out of the six groups (:

Anyway, job searching hasn't been very smooth. I have only been to one interview so far and despite positive feedback from the interviewers, I have yet to receive any follow-ups from them. This got me worried. Nonetheless, I am also in a dilemma because this is not my 'dream' job. I don't really know if I would enjoy working in this company if I got in because this wasn't in my top priority list and area of interest. I hope that my dream companies would really reply my job application soon ):

Albeit, school work is burdensome and tiring. Countdown to 2 more months to unofficially graduate from university life. Peekaboo, to a selfie which I haven't taken in a long while! Oh, by the way my skin has gotten better ever since I started my roaccutane medication regime. It is costly but I hope it really works well for my sister and me. #clearandgoodskinplease

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

How true?

Well, I learned something new today (see above). Will it be happening to me, I'm not sure. I am still in the midst of dark cloud, fiddling around and finding my way out. But I have slowly began to understand life better. Learn to appreciate everything you have, and you will see the other side of the coin. Not all the time, I must say. There is this temperamental feature in me. My mood gets up&down pretty much easily. It gets worsened recently. Everything happens for a reason - learn to handle it. 

LEARN is the key. Be patient, and you will see the results. 

Lastly, to end the day with this: 

Hugs<3 p="">

More than just pain.

Everything in life is temporary. So if things are going good, enjoy it because it won't last forever. And if things are going bad, don't worry. It can't last forever either.

I'm back using this blog because I think this is the only platform where I can pen down my actual thoughts and the people around me wouldn't have a chance to see it (unlike Facebook, Twitter & Dayre). I believe the current social media we are all using has really change the way we view things, and how people view us. We only want others to see the good side of us, and we rarely post the downsides. Seemingly, it is the nature of human as our self-esteem only rises when we see ourselves better than the others. Instagram is the perfect example of the social media users posting artsy, inspired and pretty photos. You tend to envy people who posts really nice photos because you thought that they are enjoying their life hell lot.

I do admit, I am jealous and envy of almost everyone. Every single time I served the net, I would wonder why these people can do the things they like and achieve their goals easily -note: I put easily in italics because that was what I see on the surface, people do not post the tough times they been through to achieve their dreams. I always thought to myself, why are they able to go for overseas exchange just because they want to, and the fact that their troubles are not about affordability, but which country they want to go to. Unlike me, being financially constraint, I couldn't afford to go on an overseas exchange because it would definitely burden my family. We have problems paying bills now, let alone an exchange which requires a lump sum of money.

I think it has become a psychological and emotional barrier for me. Although it has been 4 years, the thought that my father has left us still daunts me. My pillar of support, the one whom showered me with love and care, has gone. Life has been too tough for us these four years, and I know it will get worse. I have not been unveiling my feelings to my family because I know I can't control myself and I would burst into tears. I choose to avoid as I do not want to burden them. I'm suffering and I don't know what to do. All these stresses are building up and I can't & have no idea what to do with life. Sometimes I think that it would be better if I end my life earlier. Such thoughts really came across too frequently and I know I shouldn't be so irresponsible. I'll have to hang on and grab on to whatever I can hold.

I may not be a good person. Or a kind heart.

But I wish good karma will fall upon me.

The only way to stay strong is to act like one.

It takes really a long tough journey for me to reach this stage.. I may not be suffering as much as others do, but it wasn't easy for me too.

I took a step back and look at what I've done so far to arrive at this stage:

1. Getting heated easily
2. Acting like a total bitch in the family (as if the world revolves around me)
3. Treating my family like shit
4. Throwing tantrum and temper frequently
5. Always thinking of myself before others
6. Self-centered asshole
7. Grumbling and harping on why life is being so unfair
8. Thinking that I am super smart and everyone should bow before me
9. Wishing that I am not born in this world
10. Hating myself for doing all of the above

I want to change; really sincerely genuinely want to change for the better. Life may be unfair, but dwelling on the unfairness doesn't change anything. What can I do to change for the better? What should I do to move on from this current state of my mind? 

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” -Mary Engelbreit

No, I don't have depression or any mental illness (or I may have but not aware of) but I am definitely undergoing an unstable emotional struggle. I hate myself for being myself and I really don't want to be myself. 

Can I evaporate and just disappear in this world?

Calm State

Jen's Channel

Hello guys! Before I continue my HongKong Trip Part Two, I would like to introduce you all to my newly created YouTube Channel - Jen's Channel!

It is my first time ever making video, not to say a makeup tutorial video. Hope you all will support me and check it out!

This is a dusty pink makeup look - simple, romantic and sweet ❤   

With love ~

HongKong 2014 - A journey to the Pearl of the Orient (Part One)

Hello everybody! It's been awhile since I have last updated about my life yeah. But instead of updating you all about my daily events, I'm going to post a super long post about my trip to Hong Kong in January 2014! Keeping this space as my life journal platform. Warning: This is going to be a pictures-filled post and there will be many photos of me (:

My travelling buddies for this trip are JunKai, Wenyu, Devon, Siyun & Huilin. All of them are awesome people and not only that, I felt really comfortable travelling, talking and staying with them. I think that it isn't really easy to find friends whom you can joke around with, sharing the same jokes, speaking comfortably and having no awkward silence when everyone's tired. At this point, you can tell how much I have enjoyed this trip (:

Our flight to HongKong was early in the morning around 6am. So we met 5am at the airport and everyone slept less than 2hours (excluding me). Here's a group photo before we depart! Changi Airport def is one of the best airports.

Off we fly! 

The total journey takes around 3.5-4hrs, so fast.

Right after we landed, we stayed at the transit and took ferry to Macau! 

Iconic Venetian in Macau

Waiting to check-in!

Spacious and delicate hotel room(:

Group photo at the Venetian River

Macau Tower!
Who dares to jump from that height must be super super brave :/

My OOTD for Day 1!
Denim shirt - Heaven at Century Square
Black jeans - Forever 21
Black cardigan - Pull&Bear

The famous Portuguese egg tart. Nomz

Our day spent at Macau is a rather short one because by the time we settled down, it was already 3pm and we're all very hungry!! Sp off we go for some food-hunting. There were many reviews and recommendations on Macau portuguese egg tarts and pork chop bun (豬扒包) The egg tarts were nice, buttery and fragrant. BUT the pork chop bun in Macau tasted mehhhhhhhhh... I don't really know what's the craze and popularity about because the buns and pork chop were both tough so adding them tgt was like eating a stone. Def not recommended! >:( 

The most spectacular tourist site is the St Paul's Ruin. I don't really know the story behind this historic site but I find it worth photo-taking so we bombed plenty of photos and time at that place. As we climbed further up, we can oversee part of Macau and across the border, ZhuHai, and it was really amazing. Together with the cold weather and icy wind, at that moment I really felt so relieve from all stress. It was really a getaway vacation. 

Mandatory Group Photo

We love taking selfies ❤

See, another one. 

Senodo Square 

St. Paul Ruin

View from the highest spot

Taking cover photo? Yes, we're trying to take artistic photographs!

Boss with two leather-jacket bodyguards.

I love the background but not my pose ):

You can find many nice place to take shots.

I love all the artistic photos we took in Macau! We were not able to do it in HongKong because the scenery were not as nice plus, people will just stare at you. Whereas Macau is so tourist-friendly! Having said that, Macau really puts tourists as priority. There were shuttle buses to every tourist spots and you don't have to worry about transport. Also, Macau has the most number of casinos in town hahahaha. And guess what, it was my first time entering a casino! Initially, we wanted to sneak Huilin meimei into the casino but sadly, they were so strict about the legal age. Wenyu told us that this particular casino has the best probability of winning (he went to almost all casinos in Macau before) and thus we run over to that casino at midnight with very lil clothes cos we didn't intend to leave the hotel at first. It was really epic. And when we reached to that casino panting, the security guard told us he needed to see our passports and we left it in the hotel hahahaha goodness. And then we went back to our hotel looking depressed cos we walked really slowly back despite the cold. It was damn funny. Finally we settled down at the casino below our hotel, Siyun and Huilin resting back in the hotel. I won HKD$10 :D

Dinner in Macau

Crab Porridge soso only

I do love the noodles in Macau.

Wonton mee

Milk Pudding - So smooth and silky yumz

The food in Macau were not really fantastic but Macau was really fun and I will go back again if I have the chance! We headed to the ferry terminal the next morning, to HongKong. We didn't have breakfast and we were lack of sleep. So everyone was looking grumpy ... NOT. We were all so excited for the second day in HK! Woohoo. 

Shifted to our hotel in HongKong!

Century Egg with Ginger!
It has a weird taste at first bite. You have to eat it with the ginger! Love the yolk.

Photographerrrr

You've not been to HK if you missed out all these!

Delish Roast Goose meat. It's really very good! One of the dishes I miss the most(:

Wenyu thinks that we should all try to take a ferry from an island to another. Thus, we walked pretty far, from central to the ferry terminal and ride a ferry to Kowloon island! And we spent our day shopping and eating around Nathan Road. Quite a good place to shop but we didn't buy anything cos it's just the second day and we don't want to spend so much at first.

At the ferry terminal

Junkai and Siyun enjoying their Pork Sausage Mcmuffin 

Finally there was a lil bit of sunshine and it was my chance to wear my sunglass! hehe

Streets of HK

Shopping! I bought a black beanie in the end :)

HK style egglets! 鸡蛋仔

GongCha in HK is so cheap! Price of the large ones are the same price as our small cups

First time taking their MTR! 

MTR in HK is about the same as our MRT in Singapore. Their carriages, train system and the people. Most of the local people in HK always use their phones on train and esp during peak hours, it gets really crowded. Good thing about their MTR is that the frequency is faster and the train routes are shorter and thus more efficient. 

We took MTR to our next destination - Victoria Peak!

Love this photo!
My OOTD for Day 2:
Maroon sweater - H&M
Jeggings - Gmarket
Scarf - Espirit (Junkai's)

The Victorian-style tram! So vintage. 

Blurry photo during the tram ride, it was so steep!

Look at the night viewwwww

I like this photo too! But Huilin wasn't inside ):

Beautiful place

Breath-taking scenery

The icy cooling weather really made our mood so good. I couldn't bear to leave that place! Esp the peak where we could not see anything because on highland, the air was so foggy and misty. It's kind of scary too.
We met up with Weehin and Claire's group at Hard Rock Cafe who happened to be visiting HongKong too.

At Hard Rock Cafe!

We bought cup noodles from the nearby 7-eleven from our hotel for supper slurps. And this sums up our Day 2 in HongKong ❤

-to be continued-